Who is guilty of digging for compliments? Who is guilty of flirting with a man just so you can feel worthy when he flirts back? Who is confident about who they are? And when I say confident I dont mean telling yourself over and over again "I am a good person, I am a good person, I am a good person..." I have been for the last five or six months telling myself that I love myself, that I am worthwhile etc etc. For the most part I have been able to make myself believe it.
Everyone has different ways of dealing with their insecurites. Some people dig for compliments, some people act like pompous asses when in reality they have insecurities just like the rest of us. Some people are accutely aware of their imperfections and therefore go through some sort of self-hatred.
Id have to say I have probably done some sort of all of these things. Digging for compliments... Done. acting like a pompous ass...done (in some way shape or form.) The self hatred part.... I am a professional. When we do these things we are completely self involved. completely selfish... thinking that all we need is some sort of recognition that we are in fact good enough. we are pretty enough. we are nice enough. We dont think of other people involved. We just need our recognition. When in fact we could be hurting someone. We could be driving away a friend. We could use our insecurities as an excuse to become completely and totally alone.
So the question is does anyone out there not have any insecurities? I have so many I have lost count.... im fat.. im needy.. im ugly... im too open.. im too loose... im this im that im just not good enough. The truth is everyone has insecurities. Everyone feels judged at some points in their lives. It can lead people to do things they will regret. Then you can't blame anyone but yourself. It was your fault this time. You cant blame the other person. So if we all have insecurities... do they ever go away? From what I can tell.. no. I mean my 85 year old grandma doesnt seem to have many insecurities... but do we have to wait that long to be freed from these nagging questions in our head? I think yes. Everyone will always have insecurities. The trick is, as you grow you will learn how to handle your insecurities. You won't feel a need to drink them away... or get someone to give you a compliment... or flirt with someone who you hope will flirt back. (At least this is what I hope.) Until you are old and free of all insecurities you will continue to make mistakes, but the mistakes will be fewer and fewer in between. Until then fess up to the mistakes you have made. REALIZE where you went wrong. It is a good lesson to not do it again. It may make you upset to understand how many things you did out of utter insecure greed and vanity. At least you can know and then move on.
The friends in your life are important. They love you for who you are. They wont leave unless they are given a reason to leave. Dont give them a reason to leave. You WILL miss them. It will HURT.
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