Oh My God!

I finished ANOTHER book!! I know I know amazing right?! This book, much more meaningful that the last one (wasnt very hard to beat... seeing that it was a trashy romance novel.) This time I read about, ´´a brother and a sister... about childhood and growing up, friendships and families, triumph and tragedy and everything in between. More than anything its... about love in all its forms.´´ To say the least my head is going crazy right now. I want to laugh I want to cry... perhaps both at the same time which has been known to happen... unfortunately. I am resisting because the girls I am with already think I am crazy... i gotta keep it a secret for as long as possible. ;) Anyhow, I am now mulling over all the relationships I have had in my life. My family in its entirety (immediate and distant) with all its craziness and disfunctionalities. (Just FYI i would never trade it in for anyother family in the world.) i love my family because of all the ups and downs and all arounds. I realize that the perfect parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, older cousins, and other role models not necesarily blood related to me are slowly becoming less perfect and more human. At first i wanted them to stay perfect with my starry eyes looking up at them with admiration and timidness. I now realize its best for me to realize they are human. This way I can stop being too shy or intimidated and be myself with them. People are people are people are people!! No one is perfect. Those ho try to act it will soon realize.... it gets boring fast! Please put some perspective on that statement... I am twenty years old. So I know very little  about life in general. BAH! haha. Woo that was a tangent.  Anyways this book that I read, it made me wonder who the heck will be with me into the distant future? who will fade away and become a lesson learned or a mistake made? I also wonder who the hell I am going to meet in the future. It's so hard for me to think of my future boyfriend or husband as someone who I have yet to meet because it is weird to think of things continuing to change and me continuing to meet new people. I told my father before coming to Spain, "I want to find a life and settle down there. I am so sick and tired of finding these people who I love dearly and then having to move away from them. I want something in my life to stay constant. I want people to stay constant. I dont want to move anywhere ever again and I want to stay in the same place always. (Yup this is the kind of convos I have with my dad, partly because he is a therapist and knows how to deal with me but mostly because he is my dad and my friend and my security blanket.) Then i realized even if I stayed in the same place and refused to let the things that I control over change I would still be disappointed. Everything changes. people move on. People come in and out  and you gotta just enjoy it while you got it there right in front of you. Love a lot. Smile a lot. and dont be afraid to cry. It shows you are human you feel things and that you are living life. BAH so sappy.
So why you ask have I been able to read an ooberly long book in less than a week? Especially because in my normal life I would do anything before I sit down and read for fun more than five minutes. Well, it seems  the no pasa nada attitude has engulfed me. I have fallen into a rhythm of life I promised myself I never would fall into and strangely enough I am content. This may be because responsibility takes a back seat here. My life of eating, sleeping, socializing, exercising, reading, and then studying (in descending order of importance.) would be completely scorned in the United States and especially at Cornell where the more you do and if you do it outstandingly the better person you are. That is how I feel at least. However this feeling of pressure may just be my expectancy of myself to be a super hero. If I am anything less then super hero status I am disappointed in myself. I know that is stupid but it is most definitely the truth. If you have ever met me you are saying to yourself  wow she must disappoint herself a lot. haha. I try not to think about it. And you wonder why I apologize. sheesh. So now onto the main Spectacle! Last Weekend.
I went to my first shift at the kitchen this weekend. If you are wondering what the heck that means refer to my last blog post. It explains it all! This is the first time I had met these girls and they really didnt know much english so this would be a test of their patience and my spanish level. hahaha. they asked me to go for the weekend to a pueblo to study with them (Their patience proved to be better than my Spanish. haha.) When they first asked I was racing to find an excuse so that I could say no. That is really hard to do in spanish. especially when you speak at the pace of a snail sluggin along the assfault. Then I remembered what my cousin had told me before I left. "Never say no!" and "Always say YES!"  A little backwards I know. Dont worry mommy and daddy I know there are times to say no. However in this case I said yes. to go to the country... with seven strangers.... who didnt speak english.... to "study."  And then i said to myself, "Oh CRAP!" This trip could be one of two things: a  lot of fun or it could fill me with insecurity and doubt. You will see how it turned out.
So we get to the pueblo after a fourty five minutes of a car ride filled with a mixture of Lady Ga Ga, Spanish pop stars, and prayer to the Virgin Mary. What do I need to ask for right when we get there? A tampon of course. Because I wanted to make sure to make myself nice and uncomfortable and embarassed right when I got there. How do you say tampon in Spanish? I still dont know. So how did I get one then? just use your imagination. Verguenza is the word for embarassment. Got that one down pat. Dont walk around a house without shoes on. People will gasp. and then yell. haha. Learned that the hard way. Montana is my nick name given to me by the spectacular Maria Jose. They think the fact I am from LA and that I have a twin and that I have long blonde hair makes me something to want to be like. (HA little do they know!) The first judgement passed on me: " you laugh and smile so much!" (In spanish of course!) I thought to myself that makes sense because whenever i didnt understand something what do you think i did: yup laugh! Which means I was laughing A LOT! There were also a lot of HUHs and QUEs when I didnt understand or when I didnt hear clearly. Those who know me know I dont say those things very delicately or politely. It is more forceful and loud.
It was a lot of fun! There is the answer it wass fun!! And did not produce insecurities in me at all! There were times when I was so utterly confused and just sat and listened for a hint of familiarity. A word here or there that I would understand. The majority of the time when they were talking amongst themselves I stayed confused. Then there were other times when there was a sentence that made sense. And I would yell with excitement: "I UNDERSTAND!" which would send everyone into roaring laughter all over again. All in all. there was a lot of laughing. I said it in spanish of course along with vale, estoy/este/esta bien, gracias, lo siento (of course),  and of course the infamous Que/Huh Combo. I actually felt pretty accomplisehed  after that weekend. So exhausted but so accomplished. The girls were so freaking nice it is a little bit rediculous! Literally did not dwell on one thing the whole weekend. Didnt think about school, or home, or people accepting me or liking me. I just lived and read and talked and ate, and laughed A LOT. It was a good weekend. I was free for some reason from my own mind. I loved every single second.