I had to explain to my father before moving here that it was
to some extent because Owen was here. However it wasn't for the boy. It was for
the experience the boy would give me. Owen is my friend he is a good man and a
stand up guy. I can say pretty confidently that he would take a bullet for me. I
came here knowing I would be falling for that kind of guy. For him. I was OK
with that. Even if I had my heart broken. I wanted to know what it feels like
to fall in love with a man who treats me with respect and kindness. Someone who treats me like a
Queen when I am around him. Someone who genuinely cares about who I am and what
I am about. He knows me pretty much inside and out. We tried it out. It didn't work.
We broke up last night. It hurt really badly. I didn't want to let him leave. I
held on to him like my life depended on it. I begged him not to leave. He was
finally able to get out of my arms and as he left I couldn't look him in the
face. There are many reasons we decided it was best that we break up. I don’t regret
being with him. I am so glad we were together. He gave me hope in men. He also
opened my heart and mind to faith. I am going to be a regular church goer.
Going somewhere, that surrounds me with good hearted people is a perfect place
to be. I am going to start volunteering at a soup kitchen. I will never take
for granted what he gave to me. I love him. I will continue to love him. I know
he will also continue to love me. I trust that if it is meant to be we would be
together still. If God saw us together we would still be together. God has a
different magnificent plan for me. I am living it right now and this was all
part of it. I will figure this out and God will watch me as I do and help me
along the way. However, it still hurts. Only time will take that away. Its okay.
Owen was a key part of my life and will continue to be in the present and
future. So, yes in part I moved here for him. But, it wasn't for the boy it was
for the experience the boy would give me. Right now, even a day after its over,
I feel so grateful to have had that kind of deep relationship with someone so
kind to me. I love him, but I love what he gave me even more. So thank you.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
CRAP, Now What?
It is June 6th, 2012. I have officially been a part of the alumni community of Cornell University for 9 days. This means on May 27th I graduated from college. This officially ended the only life I have ever known. (School). Ever since the age of three I have been going to school. In middle school the goal was to go to a good high school. In high school the goal was to go to a good college and in college the goal was to... pass... and perhaps figure out my life. Well I can officially say I passed. I am a graduate of the School of Hotel Administration at Cornell University. However the figuring out my life part... not so much.
The life I have known the past four years: study... a lot!, eat, work, run, drink alcoholic beverages (moderately, most of the time), eat more, sleep (very little). College is supposed to get you ready for the real world, but in all reality Cornell was a bubble. Although I did not have my parents right there, I still had people looking after me very closely. The school had an orientation so we could meet our closest friends and they had advisers telling us what to do every step of the way. They had job fairs every year to help us get an internship for the summer. They had social events and doctors right on campus, and dining halls where we could eat all we wanted. Cornell and NY in general was a place where I had made many different homes away from my home in CA. And now they have officially dubbed me ready to go out on my own and figure out how I will turn my passion into a living. They have set me loose to make new friends without the orientation, and get my own apartment with my own food. The four years in college have made me a little less socially awkward, a little more confident in what I want to do, and has given me a tool to discover a good road to take. So why do I feel somewhat overwhelmed in this scenario?
I am going to San Francisco this weekend to start a full time job at least until pastry school starts, and then I will have to find a different full time job to support myself through school and then I will find perhaps a different job. My parents talked to me about how I was going to get up to San Fran (or should I say "The City"). They were making it a burden for themselves. I finally stood up and said I will get up there you both do not have to worry. I will pay and figure out the public transpo. Then I went on this rant about how I am 22 years old and an adult. I need to figure these things out on my own. After announcing this they understood and did not fight back. It made me feel liberated and scared shitless. Its official I am out of school, an adult, and supporting myself. I have to find my own apartment, and meet my own friends and finance... my life. No more parents paying for my life. Its all me now. No more college nights with my girlies going from bar to bar in a safe neighborhood where we could be worry free while we had a great time. No more stealing food from the dining hall to feed ourselves (never actually did this.) No more going to Scotia for Thanksgiving, and Fall Break, and Spring Break, and for months at a time in the summer. No more camp. Now its up to me, to make my life complete, with friends, and a job and a house. This home that I am in right now will always be my home, but it is time to begin the process of finding my own home. I am not saying this will happen immediately. I know I will go from apartment to apartment that I can hardly call my home, but eventually I will settle down and make a home of my own. Who knows where or when or with who (whether with a husband or just a bunch of cats ;) But now its on me.
I will always have those people that have become like family in my corner. However, its time to find new people to add to that corner.
Slightly exciting, slightly terrifying. This is literally a brand new stage of my life. This is what all of my life has been leading up to. To this point where I am let free and its time to take everything I have learned and continue to make mistakes and continue to learn. Its time to make decisions without frantically calling my parents to ask what to do. This is my time to make people proud, and to make myself proud. This is the true test.
The life I have known the past four years: study... a lot!, eat, work, run, drink alcoholic beverages (moderately, most of the time), eat more, sleep (very little). College is supposed to get you ready for the real world, but in all reality Cornell was a bubble. Although I did not have my parents right there, I still had people looking after me very closely. The school had an orientation so we could meet our closest friends and they had advisers telling us what to do every step of the way. They had job fairs every year to help us get an internship for the summer. They had social events and doctors right on campus, and dining halls where we could eat all we wanted. Cornell and NY in general was a place where I had made many different homes away from my home in CA. And now they have officially dubbed me ready to go out on my own and figure out how I will turn my passion into a living. They have set me loose to make new friends without the orientation, and get my own apartment with my own food. The four years in college have made me a little less socially awkward, a little more confident in what I want to do, and has given me a tool to discover a good road to take. So why do I feel somewhat overwhelmed in this scenario?
I am going to San Francisco this weekend to start a full time job at least until pastry school starts, and then I will have to find a different full time job to support myself through school and then I will find perhaps a different job. My parents talked to me about how I was going to get up to San Fran (or should I say "The City"). They were making it a burden for themselves. I finally stood up and said I will get up there you both do not have to worry. I will pay and figure out the public transpo. Then I went on this rant about how I am 22 years old and an adult. I need to figure these things out on my own. After announcing this they understood and did not fight back. It made me feel liberated and scared shitless. Its official I am out of school, an adult, and supporting myself. I have to find my own apartment, and meet my own friends and finance... my life. No more parents paying for my life. Its all me now. No more college nights with my girlies going from bar to bar in a safe neighborhood where we could be worry free while we had a great time. No more stealing food from the dining hall to feed ourselves (never actually did this.) No more going to Scotia for Thanksgiving, and Fall Break, and Spring Break, and for months at a time in the summer. No more camp. Now its up to me, to make my life complete, with friends, and a job and a house. This home that I am in right now will always be my home, but it is time to begin the process of finding my own home. I am not saying this will happen immediately. I know I will go from apartment to apartment that I can hardly call my home, but eventually I will settle down and make a home of my own. Who knows where or when or with who (whether with a husband or just a bunch of cats ;) But now its on me.
I will always have those people that have become like family in my corner. However, its time to find new people to add to that corner.
Slightly exciting, slightly terrifying. This is literally a brand new stage of my life. This is what all of my life has been leading up to. To this point where I am let free and its time to take everything I have learned and continue to make mistakes and continue to learn. Its time to make decisions without frantically calling my parents to ask what to do. This is my time to make people proud, and to make myself proud. This is the true test.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Insecurity is a BITCH
Who is guilty of digging for compliments? Who is guilty of flirting with a man just so you can feel worthy when he flirts back? Who is confident about who they are? And when I say confident I dont mean telling yourself over and over again "I am a good person, I am a good person, I am a good person..." I have been for the last five or six months telling myself that I love myself, that I am worthwhile etc etc. For the most part I have been able to make myself believe it.
Everyone has different ways of dealing with their insecurites. Some people dig for compliments, some people act like pompous asses when in reality they have insecurities just like the rest of us. Some people are accutely aware of their imperfections and therefore go through some sort of self-hatred.
Id have to say I have probably done some sort of all of these things. Digging for compliments... Done. acting like a pompous ass...done (in some way shape or form.) The self hatred part.... I am a professional. When we do these things we are completely self involved. completely selfish... thinking that all we need is some sort of recognition that we are in fact good enough. we are pretty enough. we are nice enough. We dont think of other people involved. We just need our recognition. When in fact we could be hurting someone. We could be driving away a friend. We could use our insecurities as an excuse to become completely and totally alone.
So the question is does anyone out there not have any insecurities? I have so many I have lost count.... im fat.. im needy.. im ugly... im too open.. im too loose... im this im that im just not good enough. The truth is everyone has insecurities. Everyone feels judged at some points in their lives. It can lead people to do things they will regret. Then you can't blame anyone but yourself. It was your fault this time. You cant blame the other person. So if we all have insecurities... do they ever go away? From what I can tell.. no. I mean my 85 year old grandma doesnt seem to have many insecurities... but do we have to wait that long to be freed from these nagging questions in our head? I think yes. Everyone will always have insecurities. The trick is, as you grow you will learn how to handle your insecurities. You won't feel a need to drink them away... or get someone to give you a compliment... or flirt with someone who you hope will flirt back. (At least this is what I hope.) Until you are old and free of all insecurities you will continue to make mistakes, but the mistakes will be fewer and fewer in between. Until then fess up to the mistakes you have made. REALIZE where you went wrong. It is a good lesson to not do it again. It may make you upset to understand how many things you did out of utter insecure greed and vanity. At least you can know and then move on.
The friends in your life are important. They love you for who you are. They wont leave unless they are given a reason to leave. Dont give them a reason to leave. You WILL miss them. It will HURT.
Everyone has different ways of dealing with their insecurites. Some people dig for compliments, some people act like pompous asses when in reality they have insecurities just like the rest of us. Some people are accutely aware of their imperfections and therefore go through some sort of self-hatred.
Id have to say I have probably done some sort of all of these things. Digging for compliments... Done. acting like a pompous ass...done (in some way shape or form.) The self hatred part.... I am a professional. When we do these things we are completely self involved. completely selfish... thinking that all we need is some sort of recognition that we are in fact good enough. we are pretty enough. we are nice enough. We dont think of other people involved. We just need our recognition. When in fact we could be hurting someone. We could be driving away a friend. We could use our insecurities as an excuse to become completely and totally alone.
So the question is does anyone out there not have any insecurities? I have so many I have lost count.... im fat.. im needy.. im ugly... im too open.. im too loose... im this im that im just not good enough. The truth is everyone has insecurities. Everyone feels judged at some points in their lives. It can lead people to do things they will regret. Then you can't blame anyone but yourself. It was your fault this time. You cant blame the other person. So if we all have insecurities... do they ever go away? From what I can tell.. no. I mean my 85 year old grandma doesnt seem to have many insecurities... but do we have to wait that long to be freed from these nagging questions in our head? I think yes. Everyone will always have insecurities. The trick is, as you grow you will learn how to handle your insecurities. You won't feel a need to drink them away... or get someone to give you a compliment... or flirt with someone who you hope will flirt back. (At least this is what I hope.) Until you are old and free of all insecurities you will continue to make mistakes, but the mistakes will be fewer and fewer in between. Until then fess up to the mistakes you have made. REALIZE where you went wrong. It is a good lesson to not do it again. It may make you upset to understand how many things you did out of utter insecure greed and vanity. At least you can know and then move on.
The friends in your life are important. They love you for who you are. They wont leave unless they are given a reason to leave. Dont give them a reason to leave. You WILL miss them. It will HURT.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Finding Prince Charming
We have all been taught to find our Prince Charming. This is what will set you free. If you find the love of your life you will be eternally happy. This is what we are led to believe through movies and books and media in general. I feel like from the time we are 12 years old we are looking for THE one. Everyone remembers the "couples" in 7th and 8th grade. So and So is dating so and so. You look back and realize they stood as far away from each other as possible and never touched each other... no kisses no holding hands.. hardly any talking. But in spite of how stupid that relationship seems now it was what all of us wanted back in seventh and eighth grade. From then on we are looking for that one that will change our lives. The one we will spend the rest of our lives living for. Do we really need a boy to change our lives?
I remember my first crush in High School. I didn't even know the guy. I knew he was not ever going to be with me but I crushed on him not because he was anything amazing, but because that is what a girl is supposed to do. They are supposed to have a crush. So I did. I talked about his butt and how sweet I thought he was, but it was all mindless banter. He hardly knew I existed and in all honesty I wouldn't have known how to have a boyfriend in high school. I hardly knew how to make and uphold a friendship.
I went to college and suddenly finding the love of my life stopped being my priority. I was across the country in a foreign place with no one that I knew and I hardly knew myself. I had jumped into the deep end without really realizing how deep the water really was. HA! That first year was a tough one. Didn't think I would be making it back.
There was one thing that made it impossible for me not to go back. I had made true friends. The type that are life longers.. The kind I had never had before. My mom urged me not to go back. She hates me being on the other side of the country. But it wasn't about the school to me it felt natural to go back to where I had made friends even if I had hard times.
Before second semester junior year I had my fair share of potential boys. Guys that broke my heart. Guys where I broke their hearts. Never anything serious just potentials. Then it was the beginning of the roller coaster ride. I went to Spain. For some reason the rules that applied to me in the States did not apply to me in Spain. My parents told me I was being reckless. For some reason I didn't care. I was living. I wasn't looking for my one and only person. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or even for a really good friend. I was there to feel sad and mad and happy and exhilarated. I was there to live my life and find myself. No matter how corny that sounds it is true. I had my lowest lows there as well as my highest highs. I had never felt so confused and alone. At the same time I had never felt so free and relaxed.
I went straight from Spain to work at Fowler and straight from Fowler back to School. I am now back home. After a year. The roller coaster ride is over for the moment and the result is irreplaceable. I haven't found the man of my dreams. I haven't found the person who makes me weak in my knees. I have found who I am. I have become comfortable with being alone and with being me. This is more important than any man. It is so much more important than the crush I had in high school or the potential boy friends I have had throughout my college career. Without knowing who you are it is impossible to live. Even if you do have a boy. As for a husband and a life in the future (kids, a career, etc.) I know I will find it. I will find the man of my dreams. The man who loves me and cares about me. The man who I love for every part of him including his faults. He will come. Until then I will live. I have so many opportunities to take advantage of, so many adventures to go on. Don't be afraid of finding who you are. You will like the person no matter what. If someone doesn't like the person you have found within you then BFD (Big F***in Deal). Find someone who will accept you for the person you truly are. The key is to find the true you and accept it fully and whole heartedly. This is what will set you free.
I remember my first crush in High School. I didn't even know the guy. I knew he was not ever going to be with me but I crushed on him not because he was anything amazing, but because that is what a girl is supposed to do. They are supposed to have a crush. So I did. I talked about his butt and how sweet I thought he was, but it was all mindless banter. He hardly knew I existed and in all honesty I wouldn't have known how to have a boyfriend in high school. I hardly knew how to make and uphold a friendship.
I went to college and suddenly finding the love of my life stopped being my priority. I was across the country in a foreign place with no one that I knew and I hardly knew myself. I had jumped into the deep end without really realizing how deep the water really was. HA! That first year was a tough one. Didn't think I would be making it back.
There was one thing that made it impossible for me not to go back. I had made true friends. The type that are life longers.. The kind I had never had before. My mom urged me not to go back. She hates me being on the other side of the country. But it wasn't about the school to me it felt natural to go back to where I had made friends even if I had hard times.
Before second semester junior year I had my fair share of potential boys. Guys that broke my heart. Guys where I broke their hearts. Never anything serious just potentials. Then it was the beginning of the roller coaster ride. I went to Spain. For some reason the rules that applied to me in the States did not apply to me in Spain. My parents told me I was being reckless. For some reason I didn't care. I was living. I wasn't looking for my one and only person. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or even for a really good friend. I was there to feel sad and mad and happy and exhilarated. I was there to live my life and find myself. No matter how corny that sounds it is true. I had my lowest lows there as well as my highest highs. I had never felt so confused and alone. At the same time I had never felt so free and relaxed.
I went straight from Spain to work at Fowler and straight from Fowler back to School. I am now back home. After a year. The roller coaster ride is over for the moment and the result is irreplaceable. I haven't found the man of my dreams. I haven't found the person who makes me weak in my knees. I have found who I am. I have become comfortable with being alone and with being me. This is more important than any man. It is so much more important than the crush I had in high school or the potential boy friends I have had throughout my college career. Without knowing who you are it is impossible to live. Even if you do have a boy. As for a husband and a life in the future (kids, a career, etc.) I know I will find it. I will find the man of my dreams. The man who loves me and cares about me. The man who I love for every part of him including his faults. He will come. Until then I will live. I have so many opportunities to take advantage of, so many adventures to go on. Don't be afraid of finding who you are. You will like the person no matter what. If someone doesn't like the person you have found within you then BFD (Big F***in Deal). Find someone who will accept you for the person you truly are. The key is to find the true you and accept it fully and whole heartedly. This is what will set you free.
Friday, October 28, 2011
MY BEAUTIFUL LIFE
I go to the hotel administration school at Cornell University.The majority of the people are looking for corporate jobs or operations jobs in huge restaurant/hotel chains or even Finance and Real Estate jobs. And for the most part they will get what they are looking for. They will be extremely successful and make lots and lots of money. Props to all of them!! I respect you all! The whole time I have been here I have been questioning whether or not I should follow that path as well. I could definitely do it. Dress in business casual to go to class in the morning. I could cut my hair put on makeup every morning and be professional with the people I see every day of my life. I could do it. The problem? I wouldnt be happy. Again props to all of those who do it every day. Props, because it is a lot of work.
This year I finally came to the realization that I dont have to be like everyone else. I may have to take some exclusion in talking about business interviews or talking about my future salary or even some "What do you mean baking and pastry school?" or "how are you going to find a job in the future?" Both good questions. the respectiv answers: i love baking, and I will figure that out when it comes time. I am in love with my dreams. I have dreamt of what I want to do with my life and fell so deeply in love with those goals that I am not going to give it up for anything else. I have the desire. I have the dedication. I have the determination. So bring it. I am going to be me. Every single day. Not going to change for one single person. I have found what I love. I love my life. I love myself. I love the people that accept me and respect me and who love me for me. I love my family. I love my dream. Those are the things that I love. And most of those things are pretty damn permanent. Once again I say: BRING IT.
This year I finally came to the realization that I dont have to be like everyone else. I may have to take some exclusion in talking about business interviews or talking about my future salary or even some "What do you mean baking and pastry school?" or "how are you going to find a job in the future?" Both good questions. the respectiv answers: i love baking, and I will figure that out when it comes time. I am in love with my dreams. I have dreamt of what I want to do with my life and fell so deeply in love with those goals that I am not going to give it up for anything else. I have the desire. I have the dedication. I have the determination. So bring it. I am going to be me. Every single day. Not going to change for one single person. I have found what I love. I love my life. I love myself. I love the people that accept me and respect me and who love me for me. I love my family. I love my dream. Those are the things that I love. And most of those things are pretty damn permanent. Once again I say: BRING IT.
Friday, October 21, 2011
What Am I Doing?
The title of this post is exactly what I have been thinking about today. I will explain: I am following my dreams and my heart. I dream, I laugh, I cry, I love, I dance, I live, and I give. I work my hardest and do my best. What else matters? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Fowler as the Past and NOT the Present
So many of my friends have been made through Fowler. So all ya all, How many of you still miss camp even though its been a good amount of time since we left. I hope most of you are saying yeah I am missing camp. In fact I miss it a lot. Because otherwise I am alone in that... and that is no good. I wonder sometimes why I miss it so damn much. I mean its not like my life at Cornell is anything horrible. I have a lot of friends, and I have a good time and I am busy. So why do I want to be at camp? So here is the answer that I came up with: Camp protects you. If you disagree with me then read on... because the logic follows.
There is a community at Fowler that is like no other community I have been involved with or have witnessed. The people there are motivated to make everyone feel welcome. I remember the first day 2010. I was with the one person I knew most the majority of staff training. Until I realized I may have to sit next to somebody else. and let me tell you my heart was racing the first day during staff training when I had to sit next to Austin. I was scared shitless, but the day that scared me more was the first day I talked to Jenna. Holy Hell I thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. You wanna know something; within a week of working for them they had proven to me that they weren't that scary. Along with the rest of the staff. I made friends in record time at Fowler. and then had them supporting me the entire time. You see camp is a weird place. you can be who you are and they will accept you no questions asked. I'm weird and anxious and very direct with what I say and it freaks a lot of people out. At fowler people embraced it and thought i was a lovable human being. They do it with everyone. You will be hard pressed to find someone who feels like they don't belong. You never feel alone. or insecure. or like you need to be someone else. That's it. you don't need to be anyone else. That is what I love. And people love you. for the person that you are. and you always have more than one person supporting you and never have to be alone. Never. its amazing. no matter how hard your job is, how stressed out you are. Someone will find you when you are crying and give you a hug. That is why we all miss Fowler. Because you are never alone. Although at our designated schools or jobs or homes we may have a wonderful group of friends or family and we may be busy but it doesn't cancel out those times when you need to be able to be exactly who you are and not be alone. Because lets face it with most people everyone feels as if a facade is necessary. You need to act smarter or be prettier and not appear in public until you have your make up and cute clothes on. Everyone is guilty of it. I know I am. Props to those who are not. Camp lets go of those facades. When you are there you don't have to be smarter than the next person. You don't have to compete, you work hard and you be you. That is your job there. And because of the lack of pressure to be someone you aren't it makes you feel like you are loved and never alone and it lets people focus on their job and do the best they can.
That is why we all want to go back. Because lets face it in the real world we are all competing acting like we are better than the next person. we are expected to wear make up to be pretty and to wear heels to show off our legs or make a certain amount of money. We all want a place to be us and no one more or less for that matter. We all want to be able to go hug someone when we are sad and insecure and be real about the reason we are sad and insecure. This type of place doesn't come around very often. Its a Christian camp where all the staff are supposed to take care of more than a hundred kids every week but we also take care of each other in a way so unique to the world today. That is why we all want to go back. we wont find another place like it. That is why we all want to go back there and keep it with us always. There is however a way to make it a part of who you are without making it something you want to run back to. Try this. When you feel insecure don't say I want to go back to fowler... instead say I am insecure right now but I have no reason to be because the person that I am is loved by so many. and although they are not around me now. They still love me. That is what you tell yourself. People don't stop loving you just because they are no longer visible or a regular in your life. Those people still love you when you are in the real world. So although you are not at camp your still just as loved. and just as not alone. We may be spread apart but we are all still there for each other. So when you feel alone don't. Because your not. :) I got mooshy. That's my job, because I am Hannah.
There is a community at Fowler that is like no other community I have been involved with or have witnessed. The people there are motivated to make everyone feel welcome. I remember the first day 2010. I was with the one person I knew most the majority of staff training. Until I realized I may have to sit next to somebody else. and let me tell you my heart was racing the first day during staff training when I had to sit next to Austin. I was scared shitless, but the day that scared me more was the first day I talked to Jenna. Holy Hell I thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. You wanna know something; within a week of working for them they had proven to me that they weren't that scary. Along with the rest of the staff. I made friends in record time at Fowler. and then had them supporting me the entire time. You see camp is a weird place. you can be who you are and they will accept you no questions asked. I'm weird and anxious and very direct with what I say and it freaks a lot of people out. At fowler people embraced it and thought i was a lovable human being. They do it with everyone. You will be hard pressed to find someone who feels like they don't belong. You never feel alone. or insecure. or like you need to be someone else. That's it. you don't need to be anyone else. That is what I love. And people love you. for the person that you are. and you always have more than one person supporting you and never have to be alone. Never. its amazing. no matter how hard your job is, how stressed out you are. Someone will find you when you are crying and give you a hug. That is why we all miss Fowler. Because you are never alone. Although at our designated schools or jobs or homes we may have a wonderful group of friends or family and we may be busy but it doesn't cancel out those times when you need to be able to be exactly who you are and not be alone. Because lets face it with most people everyone feels as if a facade is necessary. You need to act smarter or be prettier and not appear in public until you have your make up and cute clothes on. Everyone is guilty of it. I know I am. Props to those who are not. Camp lets go of those facades. When you are there you don't have to be smarter than the next person. You don't have to compete, you work hard and you be you. That is your job there. And because of the lack of pressure to be someone you aren't it makes you feel like you are loved and never alone and it lets people focus on their job and do the best they can.
That is why we all want to go back. Because lets face it in the real world we are all competing acting like we are better than the next person. we are expected to wear make up to be pretty and to wear heels to show off our legs or make a certain amount of money. We all want a place to be us and no one more or less for that matter. We all want to be able to go hug someone when we are sad and insecure and be real about the reason we are sad and insecure. This type of place doesn't come around very often. Its a Christian camp where all the staff are supposed to take care of more than a hundred kids every week but we also take care of each other in a way so unique to the world today. That is why we all want to go back. we wont find another place like it. That is why we all want to go back there and keep it with us always. There is however a way to make it a part of who you are without making it something you want to run back to. Try this. When you feel insecure don't say I want to go back to fowler... instead say I am insecure right now but I have no reason to be because the person that I am is loved by so many. and although they are not around me now. They still love me. That is what you tell yourself. People don't stop loving you just because they are no longer visible or a regular in your life. Those people still love you when you are in the real world. So although you are not at camp your still just as loved. and just as not alone. We may be spread apart but we are all still there for each other. So when you feel alone don't. Because your not. :) I got mooshy. That's my job, because I am Hannah.
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